Found it

At the beginning of the year, I got into programming — something I should have done 10 years ago.

I really like it. However, I can only love a craft if I love the thing I’m crafting. For instance, I love the act of writing, but to write daily by my own, I need a book idea that I’m in love with.

This doesn’t mean that every workday must be entertaining, of course. Fun is not that sustainable, and discomfort is necessary for learning. It just means that I need to believe in what I’m doing. Otherwise, I’m not much able to give in my full potential.

Part of this is because I’m an undisciplined person, so my behavior ends up being more of a product of motivation than self-control. I’m making progress in becoming more conscientious, but changing one’s personality is not easy.

So, even though I was enjoying learning to code, I wasn’t as focused on it as I should have been. I knew I needed a project to truly get me engage with it. An interesting project.

And the search for it was harder than I expected. Not exactly because there are just a few things out there that really interested me, but because there are just a few things out there that really interested me and are in my current scope of abilities to do and learn.

Simple projects were usually too boring, and complex projects were usually too… complex. I’m extremely interested in large language models, but right now there’s no way I can start creating my own models. I just don’t know enough yet.

However, I think I’ve finally found a project idea that suits my needs: creating some kind of a evolution simulator. There are a lot of similar projects out there, but I want to design my own.

I don’t know how to do it, but I think I can learn as I go without spending countless hours on courses.

Maybe I eventually will give up on it. Maybe not. But my curiosity has been ignited, and that’s what matters.

I’m happy.